member ships

 

my annual membership

at the Star Athletic Club

is overdue

it expired.

I am glad.

because i am neither

a star nor an athlete

Tired of some ridiculous

Internal pressure

That I needed to hit the pool

Every day to make it worth it.

I hate driving the dirt roads

Clear

Across town.

I fatigue ten minutes into water aerobics class

I’m sad

I love the feel

Of me rushing in a tunnel of water.

I swam alone usually

In not so clean water

Made me feel powerful and brave.

But not enough

To release the clips

Of my infant/toddler life jacket

I have never actually learned to swim

Like my older sister

Lap after lap.

I just cling to my water wings

While I do a foolish dog paddle

I’m pretty sure that’s not

Worth $365 a year

I hated staring at moldy ceiling rafters and walls

I threw ugly glares at those.

Who didn’t shower before they jumped in

I watched out the windows

At the oversized SUVs

Jockeying for front row parking

So that the occupants

Could jog on the treadmills

My laugh echoed

Round and round the empty room

A dozen times

What an irony we have all become.

It feels oddly risky

To dive to a pool’s deserted center

With no lifeguard

And solid steel doors between

The manager and desk clerks

Who couldn’t hear  help’s scream

Or a choking gasp for air.

Or maybe they didn’t care

they just wanted more members.

ships.

money

for nothing.

It’s an easy sort of loneliness.

One I carry with me in a deerskin pouch

Close to my heart.

Mostly I  stand amid

A  field of too tall grass,

When I should be at a  party

a table is set

a buffet served

But when I arrive

I will find

I have no plate

No fork

No chair

My Party invitations

ignored

Stacked on dusty shelving

Just at the door

By my car keys.

 

I ease into my quiet green yard

Still cool from summer storm

And dip my toes

Into the bitter cold

Water there

3 comments

  1. ditto from liz…. dear cuz do not become your own worst enemy. do not allow your spirituality to be defined by non swimming… dudette. I do not do the swim either. and I love the OCEAN.. but I ride the ride nonetheless. fond recollect you being you racing, laughing, and tearing up the sand dunes o life. kiddo cuz I was down on the floor can not go any lower. yes so tired too… peace and healing energies your way!!!

  2. You are precious, loved and valued, regardless of what you can/cannot do or achieve.
    These things do not determine our worth. No need to listen the world’s lies. There is Amazing Grace available to all who will listen.

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